November 01, 2008

insight overview

today, i once again stand on the lonely road, in the shadows, hiding away from light.. this
often happens with me...i don’t know why?? But it’s the only time when my brains think.. it
functions, tries to find out the meaning of life , the purpose r the lack of it...but then..
i never come to a conclusion...it just keeps circling round and round.. n m at the same
position once again... i don’t feel good about myself. Actually.. i don’t feel good about
anything...its full of self hatred.. Glutting me.. it’s like a kid sitting in the corner of
a dark room..face down n hiding away.. in owns own shell of complete vacuum..Hoping some1
will come and rescue, bring some air along to help me breathe again n live.. but then.. the
moment i see some1 around.. i wipe away those tears, put a fake smile.. a disguising
mask...n pretend to be just fine.. no one notices my inside.. my bleeding heart..should i be
happy r sad about it?? don’t know.. you feel so worthless.. so heavy with your own weight , u
just can’t get up..it pulls u like a magnet, the strongest , it buries u.. but u still don’t
die. but u cry. my brain cant perceive anything.. it’s like a beheaded man..walking..how?
why? .. no clue..lifeless??... can’t really say.. not actually understand.. since a lifeless
shall never come to life again.. unlike me. d dawn does break in my world too..but it just
makes me a fool.. it knows it’s easy making me 1... when m buried.. people come and
mourn..place a bouquet n go.. not noticing that m alive.. the heart is beating.. "may d soul
rest in peace" they say...i wish they said- may the heart die and vanish away.. leaving no
trace behind.. like it never did when alive.....