Lend me a drop of tear

Lend me a drop of tear
I need to cry
Break this silence
It’s a pain
That only I can feel
Now I want to break down
It’s too heavy to keep within
I’ll give up my pride
I can’t stride
With blind thoughts
And blinding vision
It’s difficult to cry
What if I do?
Afraid to fall
For I’ll never get up
Too willing to implode and get buried
Under my debris of sorrow
Is there a drop of tear I can borrow?
Now they are drying
Spirit of meaning
Is there a drop of tear I can borrow?
To burry my sorrow
Let their ghost explain the pain
Or will the tears go in vain?

where do i begin?

As the world moves round
Around me
The clock moves around
Sages preach the art of living
I sit and listen
Inspired
Afraid to perspire
But I am still tired
I read history of great men
Too impressed
Still feeling suppressed
Yes, too many here are depressed
It’s so futile
The roads so beaten up
Dreams so clichéd
Yours and mine
Differ yet meet
At the end of the road
Few reach
Others preach
Where do I begin?
How do I end?
It’s not out of your reach
it’s from where it all begins
The answer lies within

burried myself

Now in the coffin
where it’s only me
no one to even mourn
I mourn with remorse
am I so worthless?
Or am I denied of my worth?
Am I alive
or as good as dead?
Should I live
or hide in the coffin?
To hide myself
should I grieve or go numb?
Dig inside to find myself
or keep digging to find more dirt?
Light a candle and see light
or burn myself
till my ashes disappear?


I fell so worthless
my veins shrink with shame
I’ll never be the same
now it’s given me a new name
but as I sit here in the coffin
I realize, I’d better lie down there
so that no one can find me anywhere

pray, my love

Pray, please
somebody save my love
he is dying in my brutal love
I love you too much
You loved me a little less
I held your arms...
Didn’t know
they'd leave scars...
I kissed u...
not knowing they'll burn you
I clenched to you
when you'd begin to go
I tore my heart to show
my love inside
oh, I realize now, it was only mine
not ours
pray, please
my love is dying
stop! the gruesome me is unleashing
to tear his heart to see if there was ever any love
pray , my lord
my love, talk to me
I haven’t killed u yet
wont you?
Look at me
am I so unworthy?
Pray, my love, save me
I’ll save you
pray my love...
Love me
I still love you...

inject my pain

shivering with fear
ignorant of my state
crumbling with shame that’s too great
those holes in my veins
show me the hollowness
that i have carved
for 3 months
i let the elixir feed on me
consume a part of me
it was ecstasy
now, it is but fantasy
i was locked behind the cell of delusion
now i know, it is not even as gracious as an illusion
i tried to forget myself
surrendering myself
to my almighty in the bottle
locking myself behind the dark steel bars
to serve a sentence of numbness
the needle of syringe
gave me new blood
that ruled my nerves
i was soaked in the blood
of this painless pain
mourning for the disgrace i have become
my stomach groped
can i get one more doze?

laconic indolence

this emptiness is beyond my understanding
its too empty to mean a thing
solemnly pitying my stance
that embodies the crucified heart
tears fail to drown the misery
they just make it more unexplainable
satanic curses fill my ears
yet, they too cry tears
for there is no meaning for this fear
given up the only life
giving into living without life
how can time fly
its frozen
indolence denudes it
inside there is a larva of blood
wanting to flow
to wash this futility
ripe this cesspool of ugly graffiti

CLOSING NOTE

read this when i am only a jar of ashes
i just wish i was there to see
how much you cried
when you saw that i was gone
but if i did
i wouldn't have been in bliss then
without answering your question
WHY?
i don’t have an answer
i don’t have answers
for all the questions life was asking me
i didn’t see life
i wanted to see it dead
i took the knife
but i put it down
it was yours
i can't even die
the thought was killing me
i took the gun
i can't even afford a bullet
'what a pity!' mocked my life
starvation was killing me
but it didn’t help me die
why?
Cry
i tied a rope around my neck
it was hurting
what if i was alive to see myself die?
so i took the poison
it refused to go down my throat
into my begging stomach
i dissolved it with the potion of your love and hate
it gulped my life with ease
do cry for me once, truly, please

everybody-hate me

i see an ugly face in the mirror

that hates to see me

i hate you, i hate me

do hate me

slap the cheek

oh, i hate it, it’s a sin

spit on the face ,

help, is there no grace

i hate to be me

i wish no one could see me

no one should be me

baptize me

oh no, i am a pagan

i have no Christ

i have no church

now m in a search

for a mask

for no one should see

this ugly skin

am such a filthy din

no face, only grimace

cant face my face

cant face my fate

how long will i wait

to meet my fate

burn my face

with an acid and glare

spread the ashes on holy grave

and let them see my ugly gaze

change my name

i can’t be me

i can’t show no mercy

if its only on me

take me

come here, look through me

do u see a heart?

do u see a soul?

or a decaying body?

m alive, can you hear me?

m divine, do u know me?

talk to me, you'll know all

m your gift, take me

if u don't like me, throw me

don't throw me

feed me, I've starved enough

touch me, I've been numb all this while

lets walk.. m no more lame

m your gift, take me

give me a name, I've never had one..

hurt me, cuz I've never cried

smile at me, I'll smile back, I've never smiled

come here, i am alive

can you hear me??

my prayer's fate

Where does the prayer that i send go?
to the air so thin
or the lord i can’t see

is it heard or dismissed as unworthy?
or is my prayer scared to speak its purpose?
the eyes look out for a company
to find if there is a purpose for it to blink
my sanity rethinks its futility
my insanity relishes its penance with gaiety

my prayer flies with wings of hope
the beam of the envious sun cuts them
to see the prayer fall on earth
that already has many a dead
the rain knows that pain
for the sun celebrates its defeat too
with the rainbow
the rain knows that pain
it sheds tears on the dead prayer
performs its last rites