let it flow

As those drops fall


I thank the rain god

How sublimely it says, sorrow never stays

Livid air

And a few drops

Whisper in my ears

I am there

Creating warmth

I hadn’t felt for long

Wrapping me in his assurance

Nothing lasts forever

Drains the pain in me

Those wounds wont bleed now

Now that horizon looks like

A sheath of protection

Closing up on me

Breathing

Now I can give out a sigh

Cry

The swaying air cradles my soul

Putting those fears to sleep

Once again

Will it rain?

Become my tears

square garden

Step by step

I walk the path

That squares the garden

The step increases the speed

To escape slumber

To burn another calorie

To fuel the heartbeat

The source- the garden

Which is over brimming with life

The kid there knows what life is

The mother playing with him knows how life is

The person walking behind me knows

How many more kilometers to walk

I see people walking ahead of me

I slow down not to to overtake them

But I know how it feels to lag behind

I go green seeing the grass so lean

I long to be a baby sitting

The one over the grass

So ignorant

I crave to take a moment and lie on the grass

Gasp a breath of air

To exorcise me

Exhume the soul dormant inside me

But alas, my legs hate to stop

Its taken its path

The stones that square the garden

That borders life

Confines happiness

In the nature to its inside

Its mundane outside

Where people drive and shout

When the sun blocking glasses

Blind them to see the pristine spring

The aged chat of years of glory

Live every moment of their life

That shall soon cease

My legs can’t stop

My eyes hate to blink

For it craves for that fling

Those two kids have

For minutes in their game

My legs go fatigue

Yet they walk like a headless man

For its path shall never change

I walk on that path

Regretting every moment

I have miles to go before I blink

Oh, I have miles to go to burn those calories

its something i wrote on 28th nov.... after a lot of moving news about the Taj attach and its effects on 'innocent' people's lives

My mortality take me home
Away with my music my sagging spirit
My nations mourns for all the deaths
But it doesn’t move
Shake us all
So that we may live as brothers
Show us all how it feels when your son doesn’t return home
When you just know that he is not well
Don’t know if he is dead or hurt
We sympathize but never empathize
Curse but never redress
We don’t even see others’ ‘grief
What if we were a part of it?
Am I not now?
So numb, dormant and indifferent
Would this stone ever move?
Or will it when it sees everyone else down in blood
Your ignorance’s fruit
What are we here for?
Sit back and watch the sea of death and demise and condole
Wouldn’t you move my nation?
We are liberated, independent
But not yet alive

turning point

This is my turning point on my journey
Where I have to turn, bend
They say that it is the way
For that is the way everyone takes
It is the road that has been beaten up by every foot
No stone left unturned
Yet no one dares to walk the other way
This is the turning point
Which would turn my life
From mine to theirs
Transfer its identity to match the mob
It is no more an entity
Lose its gravity to walk on the ground
The way everybody does
This is my turning point
Which will bend me until
I break

losers' paradise

Welcome to losers’ paradise
Where everybody is alike
Long faces, pumpkin expression
Anger frustration
Dejection and pity
Under confidence, no confidence
Tears, fears
Blue purple black
Blank shameful dark
No one thinking anything except
That moment of fiasco
The tape stuck on that scene
No one knows who is sitting next
The one who does sees the worst
One from nowhere stood up
‘what have we lost that we are in so much pain?’
(Unanimous unspoken voices- what not?)
Cuz no pain no gain
So welcome to losers’ paradise
Where losing is a game
We all are shameless winners

Lend me a drop of tear

Lend me a drop of tear
I need to cry
Break this silence
It’s a pain
That only I can feel
Now I want to break down
It’s too heavy to keep within
I’ll give up my pride
I can’t stride
With blind thoughts
And blinding vision
It’s difficult to cry
What if I do?
Afraid to fall
For I’ll never get up
Too willing to implode and get buried
Under my debris of sorrow
Is there a drop of tear I can borrow?
Now they are drying
Spirit of meaning
Is there a drop of tear I can borrow?
To burry my sorrow
Let their ghost explain the pain
Or will the tears go in vain?

where do i begin?

As the world moves round
Around me
The clock moves around
Sages preach the art of living
I sit and listen
Inspired
Afraid to perspire
But I am still tired
I read history of great men
Too impressed
Still feeling suppressed
Yes, too many here are depressed
It’s so futile
The roads so beaten up
Dreams so clichéd
Yours and mine
Differ yet meet
At the end of the road
Few reach
Others preach
Where do I begin?
How do I end?
It’s not out of your reach
it’s from where it all begins
The answer lies within

burried myself

Now in the coffin
where it’s only me
no one to even mourn
I mourn with remorse
am I so worthless?
Or am I denied of my worth?
Am I alive
or as good as dead?
Should I live
or hide in the coffin?
To hide myself
should I grieve or go numb?
Dig inside to find myself
or keep digging to find more dirt?
Light a candle and see light
or burn myself
till my ashes disappear?


I fell so worthless
my veins shrink with shame
I’ll never be the same
now it’s given me a new name
but as I sit here in the coffin
I realize, I’d better lie down there
so that no one can find me anywhere

pray, my love

Pray, please
somebody save my love
he is dying in my brutal love
I love you too much
You loved me a little less
I held your arms...
Didn’t know
they'd leave scars...
I kissed u...
not knowing they'll burn you
I clenched to you
when you'd begin to go
I tore my heart to show
my love inside
oh, I realize now, it was only mine
not ours
pray, please
my love is dying
stop! the gruesome me is unleashing
to tear his heart to see if there was ever any love
pray , my lord
my love, talk to me
I haven’t killed u yet
wont you?
Look at me
am I so unworthy?
Pray, my love, save me
I’ll save you
pray my love...
Love me
I still love you...

inject my pain

shivering with fear
ignorant of my state
crumbling with shame that’s too great
those holes in my veins
show me the hollowness
that i have carved
for 3 months
i let the elixir feed on me
consume a part of me
it was ecstasy
now, it is but fantasy
i was locked behind the cell of delusion
now i know, it is not even as gracious as an illusion
i tried to forget myself
surrendering myself
to my almighty in the bottle
locking myself behind the dark steel bars
to serve a sentence of numbness
the needle of syringe
gave me new blood
that ruled my nerves
i was soaked in the blood
of this painless pain
mourning for the disgrace i have become
my stomach groped
can i get one more doze?

laconic indolence

this emptiness is beyond my understanding
its too empty to mean a thing
solemnly pitying my stance
that embodies the crucified heart
tears fail to drown the misery
they just make it more unexplainable
satanic curses fill my ears
yet, they too cry tears
for there is no meaning for this fear
given up the only life
giving into living without life
how can time fly
its frozen
indolence denudes it
inside there is a larva of blood
wanting to flow
to wash this futility
ripe this cesspool of ugly graffiti

CLOSING NOTE

read this when i am only a jar of ashes
i just wish i was there to see
how much you cried
when you saw that i was gone
but if i did
i wouldn't have been in bliss then
without answering your question
WHY?
i don’t have an answer
i don’t have answers
for all the questions life was asking me
i didn’t see life
i wanted to see it dead
i took the knife
but i put it down
it was yours
i can't even die
the thought was killing me
i took the gun
i can't even afford a bullet
'what a pity!' mocked my life
starvation was killing me
but it didn’t help me die
why?
Cry
i tied a rope around my neck
it was hurting
what if i was alive to see myself die?
so i took the poison
it refused to go down my throat
into my begging stomach
i dissolved it with the potion of your love and hate
it gulped my life with ease
do cry for me once, truly, please

everybody-hate me

i see an ugly face in the mirror

that hates to see me

i hate you, i hate me

do hate me

slap the cheek

oh, i hate it, it’s a sin

spit on the face ,

help, is there no grace

i hate to be me

i wish no one could see me

no one should be me

baptize me

oh no, i am a pagan

i have no Christ

i have no church

now m in a search

for a mask

for no one should see

this ugly skin

am such a filthy din

no face, only grimace

cant face my face

cant face my fate

how long will i wait

to meet my fate

burn my face

with an acid and glare

spread the ashes on holy grave

and let them see my ugly gaze

change my name

i can’t be me

i can’t show no mercy

if its only on me

take me

come here, look through me

do u see a heart?

do u see a soul?

or a decaying body?

m alive, can you hear me?

m divine, do u know me?

talk to me, you'll know all

m your gift, take me

if u don't like me, throw me

don't throw me

feed me, I've starved enough

touch me, I've been numb all this while

lets walk.. m no more lame

m your gift, take me

give me a name, I've never had one..

hurt me, cuz I've never cried

smile at me, I'll smile back, I've never smiled

come here, i am alive

can you hear me??

my prayer's fate

Where does the prayer that i send go?
to the air so thin
or the lord i can’t see

is it heard or dismissed as unworthy?
or is my prayer scared to speak its purpose?
the eyes look out for a company
to find if there is a purpose for it to blink
my sanity rethinks its futility
my insanity relishes its penance with gaiety

my prayer flies with wings of hope
the beam of the envious sun cuts them
to see the prayer fall on earth
that already has many a dead
the rain knows that pain
for the sun celebrates its defeat too
with the rainbow
the rain knows that pain
it sheds tears on the dead prayer
performs its last rites

light and broken

I am light, I am broken
I am happy, but I am breaking
Corroding easily
Meekly
I am numb, comfortably
I am dragging myself to a nowhere
I can’t see that there is life everywhere
It fails to show up in front of me
I am in ease
Because the pain in me
Vents by oozing blood when it dissects me
Bit by bit
Unknowingly
It’s given me anesthesia
Before it ate my heart away
And I am numb,
I don’t even realize
I am hallucinated
Hallucination of hope
That will betray me
My heart is raped
But it’s light
Still beating, bleeding
For some reason unknown

nightblindness

I sleep to forget my fears
My fears that keep me awake for nights
I lie to find myself among the dead
I close my eyes to go blind
But then my eyes see the hell unleash itself
I grip my hands to pray
But the prayer corrodes in this air of uncertainty
There is a word stuck in my throat
That fears to come out
What if it came out only to be swallowed?
What if it came out only to find itself alone in the darkness?
The word is ‘help’
That is so helpless
I lie prostrate to dig someone who can give company
I am scared to look at either side
I wrap myself in a blanket
Like a shroud
Yet I am barely protected
I burry myself inside it
Yet I feel so naked
I shut my eyes to go bind
But I can see the grim reaper approaching
I breathe in
But I am scared to breathe out
What if my assassin finds me?
The next day I learnt
I am my own vicarious assassin

sleeping in me

i stood there to say goodbye
not knowing you were going forever
even your smile promised me
that it would see me again
but your shadow told me that you were going away, forever
you asked me to breathe instead
leaving you in me
you chose to leave this world
to find a better place for us to live together
but you didn’t tell me where you were going
i don’t know where you are
neither do i know where i am
all i know of you is the you in me
that is lying asleep
sleep of the night that shall never cease
you were lying blue
i stood there next to you
i tried to breathe
even when i was smothered
hoping to bring you to life
i held your hand
hoping the warmth warms you
but you lied cold there
i thought you were alive
i still could see you
still could feel you
i wept
hoping it moves you
you lied cold and blue
i wish i could join my heart to yours
and pump blood
for you are in me
i lied beside you
and spoke to you
of all those happy days
just to wake you
but you lied motionless, dead
i could hear my echo
saying i love you
it faded away
that’s when i realized
you had died next to me

sometime you feel so low
like never before
as if fallen from zenith
doesn’t take a moment
to lose everything
all that was earned
all that was yours
it breaks, shatters you
burns the 'you' in you
shows you the bitter true picture
brings you to reality
shows the meaning lurking behind the curtains
just to take over the stage and dance
the most cruel feast in front of you
you are the only one in the audience
and your story being enacted
but you are not a part of it
its not in your hands
the play doesn’t end
it won’t show you light
but show nuances, all that was missed
from being caged to crucified
from being loved and hated by the same
from being me to only me
all is dramatized

life is a stage, we are no actors
just mere spectators

falling apart

m falling apart,
my brain being butchered
my heart being stamped,
soul being looked down at
what’s left in me?
sorrows and tears
who wants it anyways
yet people think m rich they come to borrow some
how do i look?

blissful??
m empty
bereaved of my sanity
orphaned at soul
m standing still
cuz i don’t know where to go
i dare not keep a step forward
what lies there, m scared
people crowding around push me
to a somewhere i don’t want to be
even if they are humane,
i don’t believe it
cuz they showed their stone hard heart
a while back
come on!
now u come to condole
for a death u caused